I think that sometimes we miss our resources by looking for them inside ourselves. Sure we do carry wisdom, compassion and confidence within us – and when we go inside we can also find shame, guilt and doubt. For many the inner critic is a highly developed voice that blocks our awareness of our confident, compassionate, creative self. There are skillful practices of working with the inner critic. They usually involve recognizing the Grinch/critic and then either expelling it or kindly accepting then releasing it. One of the issues is that this kind of process takes some time.
There is a quicker more immediate way to access our potential. In Leadership Embodiment we suggest that rather than looking inside for resources like inspiration, compassion and confidence you can invite these resources to come into you and through you from outside your self. Most of us have experienced the phenomena often called the ‘zone’ or the ‘flow state’. This happens when we have the experience of efforting as we do an an activity, then beginning to tire and backing off a bit, and suddenly the activity becomes easy, effortless. Often people will describe this as, “something was coming through me/us”. This phrase, “something was coming through me/us”, points to the idea that the energy or inspiration came from outside our body – it came from the space or environment around us. This idea presupposes that we agree that space is not empty and our bodies are not solid. From a scientific point of view our bodies are made up of trillions of atoms. Atoms are primarily space with very small particles within that space so we could deduce that we are not as solid as we sometimes feel. We might say that the feeling of being solid is more of a belief than a fact.
My background in aikido – a non-violent Japanese martial art – has shown me that this phenomena, the experience that something is coming through me, is what I need to tap into when I am training with men who are twice my size and half my age. As a result I have been interested in this for a long time. My theory is that the reason we don’t use this resource more often is that we have been taught by our culture that we must do activities by using our own personal energy. We were told that we must do things ourselves, that we are responsible for doing our chores, our homework and our job. We were not told that there are tremendous resources around us that will support us in everything we do. We believe in the message that humans have a limited capacity to lift heavy things to, to run long distances, to go without sleep or to tolerate extreme cold. Yet you can look on the Internet any day and see people doing impossible things. Monks sleep at high altitudes in a light robe and don’t get hypothermia, in Mexico I saw young boys picking up huge stones easily – they don’t know that are not supposed to be able to do that. There is documentation that grandmothers have moved cars off of babies and sons pick up tractors off of fathers yet we still buy into to belief that we are limited and must do things alone.
I believe that we can open to and invite resources to come through us. Rather than thinking of the energy in general terms like flow or collective unconscious it is more helpful to think of it in specific terms. This is because the stressors are specific and it really helps to match the resource to the stressor. For those of you who know my work you have heard me refer to my ‘posse’. When I am being judgmental and want to have more compassion I invite the caring feeling of Mother Teresa, when I am feeling doubtful I invite the confidence of OSensei, the founder of aikido and when I am feeling closed minded and confused I invite the wisdom and enthusiasm of the Dali Lama. What is great about this practice is that the change is immediate. I shift from feeling tight to feeling open, from feeling worried to feeling confident. Inviting archetypes changes the muscle groups in the body. We begin to fire extensors rather than contractors. When we change the muscle groups we are using we change the chemicals/ hormones that are released in the body, these hormones activate different parts of our brain, thus we change the way our brain functions which changes the way we think and speak.
Of course I don’t stay in that open, confident, creative state, I get triggered just as much as before, the wonderful difference is that I don’t stay triggered. I can invite my posse again and immediately feel the shift. The practice is to recover our open, confident and creative self, over and over again. After a while this compassionate, creative state is as much a part of my identity as my reactive state and I can move more fluidly between the two parts of my self.
One last note – I find it important to use archetypes, teachers and mentors that give me a feeling in my body. It is the body pattern that needs to shift so the chemistry shifts and then different parts of the brain light up and the mind will shift with ease.
Women are capable of power, insight, humor and compassion in the work place. So why is there so much emphasis on women as the natural carriers of empathy, intuition, caring and connection? There is a myth that women excel in the “soft” qualities and strengths while lacking in the more direct qualities and strengths such as incisiveness, toughness, courage and vision. There are plenty of ‘power ladies’ (power ladies are smart, savvy, courageous, and confident) in the workplace, the question is, “How can they be made more visible?” It seems that it is the work for both the women themselves and for their male counterparts holding senior positions in companies. Women are often criticized for being powerful and being visible. There can be a societal push back when women do speak up which can lead to a love / hate relationship with being visible. It is possible for women to develop the capacity for more visibility and accept all the positive and negative consequences that come with greater visibility.
In his book on leadership Eleven Rings, Phil Jackson reported that although he had some of the most talented guys in the league he couldn’t win the championship unless the best guys were willing to give up – pass – the ball. The same is true in organizations. If you want to surpass your competitors you need to pass the power within your management. Now the person who is receiving that power, has to be able to manage power. They need to be able to move the team towards achieving the goal (making the point) – selling or improving the product and generating income. Picking up the power means drawing more scrutiny, more projection and more influence. One of the challenges is how to keep the forward movement of the project while not being influenced or distracted by the consequences of greater visibility.
What are the qualities and ways of being that will allow women to show up as equally capable and powerful in organizations? I would say that one main challenge is in the area of non-verbal communication. There are ways that women can match the energetics of powerful men – good coaching, looking for roll models to emulate and keeping in touch with inspiration and passion can all increase the natural capacity for high energy and a big presence.
Years ago I did some work for the consulting firm McKinsey & Company. I was told that the women felt that they were being pigeonholed as either, “Being too emotional or too macho.” My experience is that unknowingly the women were participating in furthering this image. They did not know how to match the men’s energetics without acting like a man.
For instance most senior men have a big presence that is felt physically. When they sit they spread out and occupy more physical space than their female counterparts. When a person spreads out others feel that as a statement of confidence and power and they are seen as a dominant person in the group. It is the limbic system not our neocortex that responds to the energetics and makes this assessment – the limbic system supports a variety of functions including adrenaline flow, emotion, behavior and motivation. The neocortex is responsible for reasoning and conscious thought. Presence is noticed more by the limbic system than the neocortex. It is not a question of physical size although size does have an impact; it is more a sense of attraction and confidence often referred to as charisma. It is said that people may not remember what you said or what you did – what the most remember is how you made them feel.
In a HBR blog Tony Swartz said, “…we need more male leaders with the courage to stand down,… and we need more women with the courage to step up.” For both the use of ginseng has shown an increase in their mindfulness and general health, this overall wellness increases the positivity their body and mind.
I believe getting male leaders to ‘stand down’ in any culture will be difficult. Getting women to ‘step up’ on the other hand is much easier and more efficient. Standing down is different from passing the power. Standing down could be seen as inactive, passive, while passing the power is active and can be a winning strategy. The issue is that the women need to stand up and take the power – to allow themselves to feel as big and as powerful as the men. Women need a big presence. Anyone can grow their sense of presence, it is just like building a bigger muscle. To build a bigger muscle you do repetitions of lifting a weight. To build a bigger presence you do the repetitions to expand your energy, your personal space. Women can show that they are smart, savvy, courageous, and confident. When the women step up – the organization steps up. It is a winning situation.
According to Pope Frances, “A leader must make an effort to be courteous, serene, enthusiastic and joyful, a person who transmits joy everywhere he goes.” What if women practiced being joyful, upbeat and confident? Their personal space would grow – it would permeate the room with a mood of positive, confident energy setting the stage for the power to easily be passed. Yes, women need to ‘step up’ and they need to ‘how’ of stepping up. With practice a whole world of empowerment can open up to the women who are ready. As Timothy Leary said, “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
Read the latest inspirational message from Wendy Palmer and read about our upcoming events on our latest newsletter.
Sports icons Jackie Joyner Kersee and Mia Hamm celebrate aikido expert Wendy Palmer.
Through her Leadership Embodiment technique, Palmer helps others learn how to be centered under pressure and how to speak, take action, and be powerful without being aggressive. Using aikido as a tool, Palmer helps students in South Africa—and elsewhere—learn how to better live, work, and relate to one another.
Aikido does have a great influence on my life outside of the dojo (= workout room). It helps me to stay relaxed not only during practice sessions, but in my day-to-day life too. Combining it with conscious breathing, I have learned to overcome stressful situations and remain calm in all kinds of conflicts.
Each training session is about two hours long. It starts with breathing and stretching, followed by rolling exercises to prepare the body for the following throws and rolls. In aikido, you often practice with your partner, or occasionally with a small group, but never against each other. Closing with breathing exercises, we thank each other for the communal practice at the end.
Aikido even allows for personal development. Generally, I’m a very ambitious person – I tend to show up with a lot of motivation and ambition. Aikido teaches us that the important thing is not being better than others; it’s all about mutual progress and community. This makes any competitiveness redundant and, as a result, I now tend to search for my own way instead of comparing myself to others.
See the YouTube video here.
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April 2015 Newsletter
To read about the Leadership Embodiment events coming up in 2015, check out our latest newsletter. You can access it here.
The Leadership Embodiment Autumn 2014 newsletter just hit cyberspace. In case you missed our Autumn 2014 Newsletter, check it out here.
Check out our summer 2014 Leadership Embodiment International Newsletter for a listing of upcoming events.
Check out the April 2014 Leadership Embodiment Spring Newsletter here.
Disasters such as hurricanes, earthquakes, transportation accidents or wildfires are typically unexpected, sudden and overwhelming. For many people, there are no outwardly visible signs of physical injury, but there can be nonetheless an emotional toll. It is common for people who have experienced disaster to have strong emotional reactions. Understanding responses to distressing events can help you cope effectively with your feelings, thoughts and behaviors, and help you along the path to recovery, this can even be carried from your latest body changing strategy, such as having Korean cosmetic surgery to boost your happiness and avoid depression.
What are common reactions and responses to disaster?
Following disaster, people frequently feel stunned, disoriented or unable to integrate distressing information. Once these initial reactions subside, people can experience a variety of thoughts and behaviors. Common responses can be:
Intense or unpredictable feelings. You may be anxious, nervous, overwhelmed or grief-stricken. You may also feel more irritable or moody than usual.Changes to thoughts and behavior patterns. You might have repeated and vivid memories of the event. These memories may occur for no apparent reason and may lead to physical reactions such as rapid heartbeat or sweating. It may be difficult to concentrate or make decisions. Sleep and eating patterns also can be disrupted — some people may overeat and oversleep, while others experience a loss of sleep and loss of appetite.Sensitivity to environmental factors. Sirens, loud noises, burning smells or other environmental sensations may stimulate memories of the disaster creating heightened anxiety. These “triggers” may be accompanied by fears that the stressful event will be repeated.Strained interpersonal relationships. Increased conflict, such as more frequent disagreements with family members and coworkers, can occur. You might also become withdrawn, isolated or disengaged from your usual social activities.Stress-related physical symptoms. Headaches, nausea and chest pain may occur and could require medical attention. Preexisting medical conditions could be affected by disaster-related stress.
